Wednesday, September 08, 2004
New BlogI'm moving my current blog over to bloglines. It has a simpler interface and integrates with my other RSS feeds. After some time this site will be deactivated, so please re-link to my new bloglines blog at:
Friday, September 03, 2004
Cutting to the BoneHow to destroy your IT department while still remaining in business. India not required.
Sunday, August 22, 2004
Genesis of a DBA Universeanonymous
In the beginning was the disk array, and all was empty and raw, and UNIX moved over the face of the platters. And the DBA said: Let there be Oracle. And there was Oracle. And the environmental variables were set and the disks were striped and mirrored and the OFA was established, and behold spindle was rent asunder from spindle. And the DBA saw that all was in spec.
And it was day and it was evening of the first day.
And the DBA said: Let there be scripts. And sql.bsq brought forth myriad crawling things upon the face of the array. And catalog.sql brought forth all manner of tables and views that swim unseen beneath the waters. And catproc.sql brought forth all the built-in programs and all the hosts of the air, that the users might be given wings and take fight over the data.
And it was day and it was evening of the second day.
And the DBA said: Let there be tablepaces. And there were tablespaces. And the network administrator looked upon the disk array and did see what the tablespaces had wrought upon the disk arrays, and he did gnash his teeth and seek a new work upon the Internet with an engine of search.
And it was day and it was evening of the third day.
And the DBA created users. Male and female he created them. And he said unto the users: Thou mayest create tables and views as thou wilt. Yea, though mayest create even indexes upon the data. Only meddle not with the system tablespace, for it is a holy place, and on the day wherein thou treadest upon it, on that day thy create session shall surely be revoked. And the serpent crept among the users and whispered to them, saying: Thine roles shall not be revoked. Taste ye all of the system tablespace, for ye shall know of b-trees and hints and ye shall be as DBAs. And the users heeded the serpent and filled the system tablespace with crap. And the instance did crash and the client did wax wroth at the DBA. And the DBA did gnash his teeth and partake of the fruit of the vine, for behold the users were permanent employees and the DBA was but a contractor and could not revoke their create session.
And it was day and it was evening of the fourth day.
And the DBA did set default tablespaces and temporary tablespaces and did lock down all that was upon the face of the array with roles and profiles and all manner of quotas, yea even from the rollback segments even unto the archived redo logs.
And it was day and it was evening of the fifth day.
And the DBA created synonyms and links and did tune the server and apply patches upon the face of the database.
And it was day and it was evening of the sixth day.
And on the seventh day the DBA did rest from all the labors of the creation. And his pager did ring and he ceased from resting and did spend his sabbath on the telephone with Oracle support. And by the time the DBA got through to someone who knew wherof they spake behold it was day and it was evening of the eighth day.
And the DBA waxed wroth.
Wednesday, July 14, 2004
For all you trekkies out there:
Monday, June 07, 2004
Business idea: create a home-sized version of a laundry folding machine and sell it to millions. Integrate it with a clothes washer and dryer. Put dirty laundry in one side and get clean, folded laundry on the other.
Having 2 kids I would greatly appreciate the utility of such a device. It shall be Netzah's best selling product.
Tuesday, June 01, 2004
Seven points to consider before quitting your job and going full-time with your own software start-up:
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
Be Careful What You Ask ForWe're doing a bowling event at work and we were asked to come up with team names. We're the only IT team from the pipeline going bowling. Anybody who knows me knows that this isn't the kind of question you ask me without invoking the law of unintended consequences. Here's the list I sent my team capatain:
Possible Team Names: "Nerd Revenge" "Kings of IT" "Coders of Doom" "PC Bandits" "Ghosts of Gateway" (Gateway Project, i.e. Exchange, the system I support that's being replaced by outsourcing...) "Mice and Men" "Outsourcers of Victory" "Keyboard Strikers" "Perfect 3.00E+2" "Indoctrination Technology" "Raiders of the Lost Awk" "XP-Men" "Windows 300" "Palace Unix" (think eunuchs...) "Chips 4 Crips" (think gangs and circuts...) "Bytes of Blood" (gang theme again...) "IT's Just a Game" "Code Chargers" "SLA Dodgers" "Billable Horrors" (spellcheck doesn't always save the day) "Controllers of Time" (or is that time control, our hour-entry system?) "MicroMagic" ".BOWL" (there's a dot in front of it) "Connecting Pins" (for those of you who used to solder) "Thugs of Initech" (ever see "Office Space"?) "Bad Mondays" (Office Space again) "One Microsoft Lane" (it's "Way", but not when we're bowling) "Data Basemen" (baseball theme for the DBAs on our team) "Nevershorts" (we can't wear shorts here, not ever) "Friday Genies" (pun on Jeans day) "What the FERC?" (we're regulated by the Federal Energy Regulatory Commission) "Gas Passers" (we're a gas pipeline)
No Sleep Till BrooklynCheck out the wakeup song for Spirit Sol 84.